I know it's not your fault, or anyone else, for the matter. But I just want to let you know, if you get to read this, that you're constantly on my mind. Inadvertently, everything I do, everywhere I go, I'm reminded of you.
Now I know what it's like, to love someone so much it hurts. My heart hurts, just at the thought of you.
To consciously begin something that would come to an end, shortlived, brings twice the pain.
Now when you're not with me, all the problems, the questions, my insecurities surface again. I'm sorry, for me to constantly be this way, bringing everything negative up.
Hearing and remembering the way your voice broke while talking to me on the phone, was enough to make my heart split in two. I could just imagine, your tears running down, like mine, drenching my own pillow. So much so I had to sleep without it.
The truth sometimes cuts deep, all the way past the bones. Voicing them aloud, makes my tears flow incessantly, make the pain real.
Changing the truth, is almost impossible.
When I'm with you,
I'll make every second
count.
'Cause I miss you,
whenever you're not
around.
I know I haven't really brought it up, but I felt a sort of biasedness way back, before this. And I can't help thinking that things would have been different for you, if the other party wasn't me. It's quite obvious. Things would have been easier, simpler, happier.
I can't bring myself to tell this to you, partly because I know you'd say that I'm thinking too deep into the issue. But it's a gut feeling I can't ignore. Maybe there'll be a rift, a confrontation, worsening the dislike. And I can't have you going through that.
Sometimes, thinking about us in the future, makes me feel so hopeless, so helpless, it's terrifying.
You think I'm strong. But even the strongest of us would fall where others stand up. I'm sorry for being such a wimp about this whole issue, for losing faith and confidence in us, many a time.
You've always been the strongest one, in terms of this, trying to shed some positive light upon my dark enclosure. It's been hard on you, all this while.
I'm sorry.
I know you'd say that no matter what, you'd still love me, so much. You'd ask me not to think of it first, put the matter aside. You'd ask me to take your hand, walk down this dark and treacherous journey together. You'd tell me that, though you can't bear to lose me, but you'd still respect my decision if I wanted to end all this now, before the pain intensifies proportionately with the attachment.
I don't know what to think of it now, but I just want you to know, wherever you are now, that I love you. Really, I do. So much, that I've never felt like this about someone before. Never in my life.
I meant it, when I told you that if we go our seperate ways, willingly or not, we can never be just friends.
Because you're the one I'll never get over.
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