Anyway, today I was looking through my book of regrets and thinking about what could've been different if I chose the other options. I know that it's no use crying over spilled milk, but I need to get it off my chest.
Here's what I want to say to a particular person in my life:
Hello 2,
I know we've not been talking for almost 3 years. Those "hello"s and birthday wishes don't really count do they?
You've been an integral part of my life, but I don't know to how much extent have I any impact on yours. You may not know, but let's just say that 3/4 of my diaries are about you. I'm not crazy or anything and no, I don't journal that often, so you're not really my obssession.
How I feel/felt about you, I didn't really tell my friends as I still want some parts of me to be a secret to myself, these precious personal thoughts. I may decide to blog this here today in hope that maybe you'd stumble upon this post and .....
Well anyway, I would say that you've changed over this 3 years, or maybe the part of you I'm still clinging onto is stuck in the past, non-existent now. Changes that I wouldn't say are for the better. But deep down I'm sure that the outgoing, humorous and non-discriminating personality of yours is still embedded somewhere.
Yes, you may guess, we go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back. I have probably used to bully you, but then again, I used to bully ALOT of people.
Recently, I surprise myself by talking to your friends more than to you. They've suddenly become more sociable to me or we just have nothing in common to say to each other now, besides merely asking well.
We almost had a chance, just that I chose someone else over you, because you left me hanging, insecure and without hope.
Now that I reflect back, you still appear in my thoughts quite often, everything we could have been. I still hold hope that the wistfulness that surfaces everytime I look at you can turn into something more. Hope that maybe I'm your cup of tea. Hope that you just have yet to notice me.
Perhaps you've a new target, a pretty girl in mind already. But don't worry, I'll still say hi, with a smile and wave to you. And still, what we could have been, lingering on my mind.
Sincerely yours.
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