Chinese new year has been...............strange?
The first day was alright, with more unfamiliar faces and some effort to try to trace out the humongous family tree, but now I'm just stuck here at home with guests downstairs as I finish up The Social Network and contemplate if I want to go down and get all cozy with the rest whom I hardly know.
That desire to go out, make new friends and socialize has dwindled down quite a bit comparatively in the last few years. Maybe it's because the number of friends I have don't really matter anymore, just a few close ones will do.
I've been trying very hard to keep it all in and not feel like we're all just floating along it life, float together, then float apart. Everything I do sometimes makes me a stranger to the loved, and with each passing day, the differences in our aims, goals and behaviour are highlighted with a brighter colour.
It's getting harder to "go along" or "just accept and try to ignore it". I feel very alienated, but what really scares me is that I'm not scared about it.
Maybe it's just a little hot in here, maybe that's why I can hardly breathe.
Maybe this is all just mad mutterings, maybe they're what I really feel. Who knows?
I really need to get out of this country(ies) and find a new godforsaken life.
No comments:
Post a Comment