To the realistic one,

Hello world, I'm still alive and kickin'!
Basically it would be a lot more fruitful to follow me on instagram as I'm more active there than on fb even.

Just to say, today mark's a milestone after nearly 1.5 years together that Ian and I have broken up.
I'm guilty of using the "let's break up" at every single small tiff we have, but today's a milestone because he has initiated it.

And so, here's another story of mine to archive. One that didn't work out again.
The pain is quite familiar actually. This sadness I feel, makes me feel like I've come home.

But at least this one was better, more sensible, he said, from the very beginning, that he wouldn't promise to love me forever, because things can change; he wouldn't make empty promises saying that he'll never leave me, because the future isn't set in stone.

This HAVE changed, so much so to the point that,
"I can't bear to see you get hurt because of me. And the thought of it makes me tear and want to cry"
When you see me cry on facetime, because I'm hurting, you feel nothing, you show nothing, and you do nothing.

The breaking point for me is, when you blocked and probably unfriended me off facebook. It might be such a small step, but to me, it was the world.
I thought the person I chose, for this 1.5 years, was more mature, and past these trivial things. If we can't be lovers, at least be friends, because first and foremost, you were my friend and I know you better than any other friend out there.

We still have families, mutual friends to consider if they saw us like this, but apparently not.

So I'll give you what I've archived thus far, because yes, I actually do archive your love messages to me.

This pain will last, indefinitely, but one day, I will probably be able to think of you and not burst into tears, not feel that hollowness, not have my heart ache like someone cut it open and squeezed a full lemon of juice into it.