Harassed

Keep having such vivid dreams of people who aren't in my life anymore, who have left a long time back.

Every time I wake up from these dreams, all the What Ifs of my life assault me. It's not that I'm unsatisfied with things as they are now, I'm more than happy, more blessed than what I deserve. But then why is it that having these dreams, make me feel guilty, like I've committed an adultery of sorts?

Are they my subconscious desires? Manifesting as dreams to tell me, haunt me? Going through with such realness I could hardly tell the difference between my dreamscape and reality, save for the impossibility of the situation happening.

I get tempted to find out, if my What Ifs have occurred to the people involved too, once I wake up. And I find myself staring really long at their profiles, wondering if I should leave a message, and then another barrage of situations possibilties that could happen from them.

In the end, I chide myself for my greed to love and be loved in return. And it is the truth, that once you have loved someone, it is quite impossible to stop. You will always feel as strongly for the person; strong in hatred, kindness and love. But that doesn't mean you don't love the people that are currently in your life any less. In fact, you love them more, more than enough to discard all the other What Ifs, and find yours with them.