Keep me going back

Met the girls after a long while and got updates. I actually really admire yimin for her will to hang on just because he doesn't compare, even though he's been giving her shit. 

I can't even start to understand how shirty it feels to have the person you love in the same country as you, but ignoring you all the same.

At least Ian is in a different country even though he's not replying me nor giving 2 hoots about anything. Although this whole break is really because of how he feels and therefore renders what we have really useless, I don't know why I still have the want to hold on.

I know it's kind of futile but yeah if I don't want to leave any "what ifs" in life then this is it. I'll keep trying, hanging on, flapping, clapping with one hand, until I'm too tired. I've been trying I guess.

Idk what is going on through his brain now but I'm no longer part of it. I need to convince myself to slowly let go in much despair and hopelessness.

Try try try, in every direction, everyday.