s p a c e

"It must be nice knowing each other for so long and still keeping in contact."

"Yes it is"

"Has Sherri changed much after all this time of knowing her?"

"-not really-"

"She changed a lot in the 4 years of university when I knew her"

*silence*

"-but there's still the same essence of her throughout"

I was surprised, not unpleasantly shocked, that X did feel so strongly about the changes I've gone through throughout these years.

"She was so self-righteous and headstrong when we first met, but now she feels looser, more flexible"

Tbh, I don't dislike who I am right now. I am at peace. That self-righteous person who once liked who she was; I hate her. 

Okay, hate is too strong a word.

I pity her. (/pitied)

>>There is this space inside me now, I'm not sure if "space" is even the right word, or is it a void. Space means that there's vacancy for other things, void means that there's something lacking, and somehow, both don't seem to match up still.

How could I not abandon that self-righteous persona, after questioning my own beliefs and how are others lesser than them?

How could I not abandon that headstrong attitude after realising that I don't have to be strong all the time, and that there are people who are more than willing to catch me?

No man is an island.

I'm proud of myself, after all this floundering, that I still have the essence that makes me, still me.

I have more empathy, more scars, more tears, more will, more strength, more swear words, less judgement, less tolerance, less words, less trust.

I have more willpower and wisdom to walk away from what is not good for me, but that doesn't make it easier each time I have to.

>>There is always the two sides warring: what if / i know

Forever a WIP and I can do with less emotional labour, more patience, less talking, more listening, less screens, more nature, less tears, more laughter, less flight, more concentration. But I thank the clouds for having friends that keep track of me along this road we walk.

It sometimes gets lonely, but I remember that I have my own company, and this voice inside my head becomes a friend, not a foe.

>>Morality has become grey, happiness has taken the wheel and everything else pales in comparison.